Hi folks, it is me; the one you forgot you missed. The person so full of himself that blah blah blah. Ok, so on to the good stuff.
There is this thing called “science”, I know most of you think of it is wizardry and witchcraft where the people brew potions calling it “chemistry”. Well I am here to tell you that you are right.
Recently our fearless leader, Josh..
Oh…. uh…. Hello everyone! ….?
Josh was in an accident ……..ker-smashy smash with a…… dragon!!! Yeah a Dragon. Now most people that are hit by dragons whilst traveling by…….. alicorn (winged unicorn) in that manner are killed upon the impact of its clubbed tail.
WAIT! When did we add an alicorn to this story?? I thought I got to make up the ridiculous cover story about what happened to me!? I got hit by …. a dragon, for goodness sake! I feel like I earned the right to call shots on the story-telling for this!
No? .. Okay then, whatever. It’s cool
Instead the Cyborg formally known as Josh was given a concussion and a broken leg in what shall now be known as the Great Dragon Kerfuffle. Because of the impact, his leg broke (the femur is one of the hardest bones to break in the body) first and then his head hit the blunt club of the dragon. A break of this nature implies a huge amount of force was absorbed by the alicorn, and then his leg, and then his internal organs and head. An injury like this should have killed him. But alicorn magic is strong and it imbued him with special qualities that not only allowed him to survive the crash, but he was allowed to do so without becoming a cooked potato.
Instead of alicorn magic, my version will stand that my extra awesome formed a protective bubble around me – that is now the official story of how I lived!
Dr. Bizhair: “And that is cannon”.
It gives me great pleasure to inform you all that now you can have a piece of the magical pie. While not everyone can get alicorn magic to save them, you can get the slightly lower grade unicorn magic instead. All I want you to do is go out to Scotland and tame a unicorn to receive its unnatural power.
But you cannot so simply obtain the awesome that I mentioned in my version of this above, sorry readers.
If you can’t afford to do that, or have a problem with magic but still want to survive a dragon attack, we can use real science instead of “science”. We can now substitute eating healthily for unicorn magic. There are a lot of ways of eating out there. You can be vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian, paleo, primal, atkins, fruitatarian, breath airean, Larry, and many more.
With “science” coming from every direction, it is really difficult to choose what will make you healthy enough to survive a fatal blow from a dragon. Real science would seem to indicate that there is no one diet fits all, there are many variations of what could be considered healthy.
I was actually told, whilst in the ICU, that my diet may be what has allowed me to remain so healthy throughout all of my healing processes and such – by the way, the “and such” includes two brain surgeries that just happened this month!
Yes, in this case, the Titanium-Skulled Wonder whom you now see wearing many a hat, ate one of the listed diets. For the most part, he ate what would be considered a primal diet. The primal diet consists of meats, cheeses, vegetables ( being moderate on starches), fruits, nuts, and eggs. It stems from the idea much like paleo that we are not eating what we have evolved to eat over the last 100 thousand years.
Unlike paleo, primal does take into account modern day science, giving you the ability to tailor your meals to what you need specifically. It seems like a pretty easy thing to eat, but getting the proportions correct for the person is where the main hassle comes in. That requires the individual to experiment on themselves. I suppose one of the main features of the diet is that you are not supposed to eat grains (whole or otherwise) and basically no sugar that comes from anywhere else but the food you are eating.
But how does eating healthy foods save one from being knocked off ones equestrian mount by dragon?
It doesn’t save you from that; it only helps you survive the fall.
When you fall off of your winged steed, you plunge toward the ground, and upon hitting, the unicorn or alicorn magic has your body start a cascade of processes that help save you, like causing blood to rush to the site and innumerable biochemical processes to occur. This is great to help you survive. And because he regularly was exposed to alicorn magic, his body had the ability to deal with the acute damage, and then let the magic drop off, because as we all know too much magic in one place is bad for you.
When I feel injured (with a broken femur, a concussion, and a partially collapsed lung), I just stop being injured and be awesome instead!
– Joshua Noel
On the healthy eating side, it is important that your body can repair damage quickly but also stop the damage control after the damage is under control. Eating unhealthily can keep your body in a state of perpetual “damage control” meaning when you actually get hurt, the injury will heal slower and less completely.
In fact, being in damage control mode all of the time hurts your body, kind of like fire fighters that decide to hose your house down when you burned a bag of popcorn. The house would potentially start to fall apart from the pressure of the over achieving fire fighters (read: your body).
Okay, that ^^^^ was an amazing analogy for this! Good one, buddy!
So if you want to save yourself from injury and pain, and you don’t want to use magic, try the primal diet.
Maybe Chrome Dome can give you a few links to try.
Ummmm…. buy this book – The Primal Blueprint – or just google “Mark Sisson”, maybe?
Also, I think there’s a page on this very site dedicated to guide people towards this kinda diet that you’re talking about?? – THE EMOJI DIET GUIDELINE